Tomorrow is Father’s Day.
Last year I wrote this post. It contained letters to both the Father figures in my life and also my Dave – as it was his first Father’s Day last year.
We are now a year older, a year wiser and a year further on in life. As far as my Father figures are concerned a lot has changed. My ‘Bio-Dad’ lost his wife to lung cancer last September. They found out she was sick literally a couple of weeks before, she went into hospital for chemotherapy and never came home. Since then we have seen my Bio-Dad three times – the funeral, a couple of months afterwards and March just gone. I try and keep in touch with him but since his wife died our whole dynamic has changed. It was always her that contacted us, sent emails or telephoned – he never found the time to contact us and unfortunately that hasn’t changed. I ring every few weeks but our conversations are brief – unless there’s ‘news’ our conversations can last seconds, not even minutes. I rang him when we were home from the hospital following Troy’s birth and after saying that we were home he asked if we had any other news. Erm, no. I’ve just had a baby, your Grandson, is that not enough?!
A very important link in our family chain disappeared last September and unfortunately it has meant that Troy is yet to meet his Grandad as he hasn’t found the time to visit yet – and Troy is now 5 weeks old. Even writing this now makes me incredibly sad. Whilst she was alive I never thought of my Bio-Dads wife as my ‘Mum’ or even a Step-Mother, because I never saw my Bio-Dad as a ‘Dad’ but I now know that she saw me as her Daughter and she saw LP as her Granddaughter and if she were here now she would have been to see Troy within the first two weeks of his birth. I think since she died I am finding that I miss her the most at the moment and I feel bad that I haven’t been able to keep the family links together since her death. Sadly though, for people to stay in touch and to be family it takes all parties to bother – I cannot bother enough for all of us.
The other Father figure in my life, my Dads, who brought me up and taught me all I know, split up with his long term partner in December, just before Christmas. He is now 48 and living in a rented studio flat, giving a third of his pay in Child Support payments every month and resenting most of the choices that he has made in his life. My Dads will always be my Dad but he is in a different place in life than he expected to be, his frame of mind isn’t the best at the moment and our topics of conversation are limited – he has a lot of resentment and not very many people to talk to about anything. Because of this our regular phone calls have dwindled and we speak, at best, once a fortnight now. In reality though I know that I have only spoken to him on the phone three times since Troy was born, and have only seen him once. Our relationship really isn’t what it was a year ago which makes me sad. I used to take LP to his house with his partner, spend the day with them and my little brothers and sister, invite them to ours for barbeques and speak to my Dad on the phone constantly. I have lost that ‘home’ to go to for dinner, I have stopped inviting my Dads and the kids over for any meals or anything where they will be at ours for more than an hour as it feels too strange, too raw, we don’t feel like a family anymore. I hope in time that we will get back to the family that we once were but right now that seems a long way away.
The last ‘Father’ is Dave. This last part is for him.
This is your second Father’s Day but your first one as a Father of two.
My thoughts of you are the same as last year – You have always been my best friend and the best Husband I could ask for. You have always worked hard to help us achieve the goals that we set ourselves – marriage, houses, children. You are honest, reliable and predictable. You make my life so much easier just by being a part of it. You make me laugh every day, and on the rare occasions that I’m sad you make me smile easily. You have an amazing, boyish sense of humour, and you find daft things funny – when you watch TV and laugh out loud at things, things that I don’t understand, or that just aren’t really that funny, your laughter sets me off. I love to hear you laugh. – I can’t remember writing that but it definitely sums up how I feel about you. Life is amazing but it is even better when we’re together. We’re a team.
LP continues to grow and learn so much. She has a lot of your mannerisms – she’s cheeky like you, laughs like you do and finds the humour in everything. She also has your love of Monkeys! When you’re at work she says ‘Daddy’ constantly, pointing at things that are yours or jobs that you’d normally do – your coffee cups ‘cough cough Daddy’, your chair in the dining room, the TV remotes, the garden shed. So much reminds LP of you and I like how she thinks of you when you’re not there – she knows that you are a huge constant in her life and even at this young age you are very important to her.
I love how her face brightens when you come home from work and I love how you and her have a different routine than when I’m with her by myself – you and her clean your teeth after breakfast and get dressed afterwards too – I always get her dressed when we get up and clean my teeth first thing in the morning!
This year we have our Little Man too. LM looks just like you – he is already bulking up and getting ‘solid’, he’s also very long. I think he is going to be tall and broad shouldered like his Daddy and he will definitely be dark haired like you although he may be blonde for a few years too – just like you were when you were young! We are yet to know what colour his eyes will be but as far as I can tell you and I have produced perfect ‘Mini-Mes’!
Dave, our family is complete, we have our two children and we can continue to grow as a solid family unit. I cannot wait to spend the years as a family, to watch our children grow and to see their personalities develop. I am glad that I have you by my side to share everything with, to witness our children’s milestones together and to support me when I need you to. Even when I need nothing it is nice just knowing that you’re there.
You have been a great Father to our children so far and it’s a privilege being able to watch your relationship with them grow.
Happy second Father’s Day Daddy Dave. Here’s to many more!
Donna aka Mummy
A lot has changed over the last year but Dave has remained constant. For that I am hugely grateful.
Happy Father’s Day everyone – tell your Dads you love them – but only if you do love them and they deserve it, think of them if they’re not around anymore and remember the good times. If you are a Dad yourself then continue to do the best job you can possibly do, enjoy every minute of it and take pride in it – stand back and look at what you have achieved and give yourself a pat on the back. Being a good Dad is often incredibly hard but incredibly rewarding too!